Mental abuse is often harder to detect than physical abuse but can result in major damage to a person's well-being if not stopped.

Abuse can take many forms, and the first thought when someone thinks of abuse is a black eye. However, Linda Mackenzie, a registered social worker with a Masters in Clinical Counselling, says mental abuse can create damage on both a person's psyche and physical health.

Mackenzie says there are several warning signs that someone is trapped in a mentally abusive relationship

"I think that there are a few signs to watch out for. An example is if someone is constantly criticizing the person and feels that his or her needs are more important than the other person's. The individual may wake up each day feeling worse about themselves than the day before. The individual may blame themselves for the problems in the relationship or situations, even though they're not quite sure what they've done wrong, even though they're trying as hard as they can. If the individual, it could be a partner, a boss (or) a friend, always - and I think that's the important word there - always blames the individual for whatever goes wrong in their life."

Although sometimes no obvious, Mackenzie says the abuse can leave scars on a person mentally.

"When we look at psychological, emotional, verbal, (...) mental abuse, the attacks are directed at the person and it does impact their psyche, their self-esteem, their self-worth on a daily basis as well as (impacting) them sometimes physically. There can be some health issues and some things happening as a result of that individual surviving being mentally abused, possibly on a regular basis (or) even if it's just a few days. It is abuse."

Mackenzie says that sometimes a person is "tricked" into staying in an abusive relationship because of the lack of physical proof.

"I think because if they're not experiencing physical abuse, sometimes, from what folks have shared with me in my work with survivors of mental abuse, is that second-guessing so it's like they're looking for some evidence but because there possibly isn't the physical assault, it's just mental abuse or emotional abuse, it can kind of trick them a little bit to thinking 'maybe if I stay it will get a little better' or 'maybe if I do my healing, it will get better'. It can definitely be a lot tougher for individuals to make that decision about leaving."

Abusive relationships can sometimes make the victim feel trapped. It's not easy to leave one but Mackenzie says that breaking the isolation felt in an abusive relationship would be a good step.

"The first thing is to break that isolation. As we hear many times on the radio, if somebody is living in that to phone Sherrif King, to phone (the) Family Violence Hotline number. Sometimes it's as easy as reaching out to a neighbour. Making that first step of breaking the silence. They might tell a friend, they might have a pastor that they go to in terms of a church or they might go to a fitness club and have a trainer and feel like they have a little bit of trust and they start to share what's going on for them. It's that initial step of breaking the silence. And once they do that, hopefully, that friend or that person that they've shared with will say 'I'm here to support you, I'm here to help you. Have you thought about phoning the helpline? Have you thought about seeing a counsellor?' I think that that's pretty important, to break the silence."

If you or anyone you know, are stuck in a mentally abusive, physically abusive or unhealthy relationship, contact Community Links in Airdrie and see the programs they have available to help.

 

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